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Dear Assbutt Douchenozzle Anders, You’re cordially invited to stop messing around with my emotions. You had your chance and like a coward, ran away when it got too difficult. Couldn’t you handle wanting your best friends, little sister? You didn’t want me bad enough? Like I said—coward. Well, guess what? You lost your chance and now I’m engaged to someone who isn’t you. Thank. God. But I’m going to be the bigger person here—for the sake of my brother—and truly hope you can make the wedding, and join in on all of the festivities. I hope you don’t choke on the champagne. Or do. Whatever. Sincerely,The One Who Got Away Giselle