Dear Grumpy Horrible Boss, You suck as a lawyer. I don’t even know how you passed the bar. Or how you sleep at night taking clients like Jack Whittington. Just in case you didn’t know, you can’t fire me just because I have a part-time job working bachelor parties. What I do on the weekend is none of your business and not a part of my employment contract. If I want to go back to wearing coconut bikinis and popping out of cakes, I can. As soon as I get my big break as an actress, I will be leaving your employ. I am literally counting down the days. You must be dreaming if you think I’m going to be working from 6 am to 9 pm for the next month just so you won’t report me to HR. Go ahead and report me. See if I care Mr. Wannabe hotshot playboy lawyer. You’re not that hot and I do not want you. Also, stop emailing me at night with lists of to-dos. Your not very well paid assistant, Lila Haversham